Case Study - Too Sick To Attend Her Funeral

Creating “legacies” can be as unique as the individual who has left us. 

I received a referral for a patient who was depressed because he could not attend his great-grandmother's funeral. He was stuck in the hospital for health reasons for almost 2 months. His grief was manifesting as anger and frustration and he was taking it out on, mostly, himself.

At our initial meeting, he shared his love for his "grandma" as he called her and his frustration at the crumpled up funeral program his mother brought back. He wanted desperately to get a better picture of her and was searching through Facebook photos of friends and family who attended the funeral. 

I suggested borrowing the funeral program to scan (having a scanner in my office) and bringing him back a nice glossy print. This soon led to him emailing several pictures of her and people from the funeral service for me to print out for creating a scrapbook of an important moment he had missed. 

It became his mission during his time at the hospital. It also was a craft project he shared with his mother, who was caring for him. His disposition, and hers, brightened and he had something to look forward to each day which helped him get back to the process of healing physically and spiritually by releasing some of his anger and frustration.

Years later, when he looks back on his time spent in a hospital for more than 50 days, he can remember creating a momento of his grandmother's passing.

Case Study - 32 Tattoos

Creating “legacies” can be as unique as the individual who is leaving or has left us. Earlier in 2014, I visited with a patient who was dying of renal medullary carcinoma, a rare cancer associated with the sickle cell trait. After being told of his diagnosis, he knew he would die within 3 months and was planning to transition to palliative care. The then-34-year-old became very depressed and felt his life was being cut short, at a time when he was just starting to live. He was referred to me and it was suggested that I do a hand print or thumbprint craft with him to leave for his two young children. Because he was a young African-American man, I held off on the activity. Sometimes, in our culture, fingerprinting may be perceived or related to a negative experience. And not knowing his history, I wanted to speak with him first.

At our initial meeting, he revealed his fascination with tattoos and expressed an interest in getting a new tattoo. He showed me 32 tattoos he already had and asked if I could help design a new one for him. I had learned that he was refusing to see his children, so I suggested that he make a scrapbook of photos of his tattoos for his children. Whether he was going to be cremated or buried, the tattoos are a part of him that they wouldn’t be able to keep. He agreed and allowed me to photograph each one. 

During this process, he enthusiastically told me about each tattoo, including tattoos of his children’s names and a tattoo of a representation of Jesus Christ, of whom we talked about things Jesus had done before his early death. I got the prints and scrapbook supplies to him the next day, which happened to be his 35th birthday. Although his children were not present, several other family members were able to participate in helping him put the book together and celebrate his birthday. With his direction, the book was completed. He had placed the tattoo photos in chronological order, wrote short messages about the tattoos and included quotes and scriptures for his children to read. He died two days later.

This is an example of personalizing the memory-making activity. Going that extra step will leave something even more meaningful for a family. Years later, this book will tell his story about things in life that were important to him through one of his favorite pastimes. His family also will have those last shared memories of creating together that they can reflect on during their grieving process.

Treasure Box of Photo Cards by Unicia Buster

For Valentine's Day, 2015, I wanted to make something for my son that was a bit more memorable than candy (which he would devour in seconds). I am a huge fan of photos and thought of photo collages, a photo album or a photo book as a gift. I've done things like this before but wanted it to be more special.

Then I thought, there is something special about things that come in small packages: easy to carry with you, doesn't take up much storage space and easy to share. My son loves his Pokemon cards and playing cards. A set of photo cards would be perfect.

I realized that it didn't need to be something he treasured now, because, eventually, he would outgrow his toys, games and books. However, photos are forever. So, I picked specific photos of people he treasure, made them all the same size in Adobe Photoshop and printed them to put into a hand painted and decorated small treasure box.

Started with a store bought heart box. (AC Moore)

I painted it with metallic gold paint at the bottom and black paint at the top. I cut out heart shapes from scrapbook paper and stroked on red glitter glue with a brush over the top, including the hearts, and inside the hearts on the side of the box.

I printed a bunch of pictures about 2 inches squared of my son and family and friends of his sharing special moments like the day he was baptized, drinking homemade smoothies, attending a harvest festival, doing crafts, hanging out at Water Country USA, at his school when he won a bicycle and even a visit to the doctors when he wasn't feeling well.

Hand wrote two notes in 2 inch squares and cut them out.

I chose one picture to glue in the inside top and stacked the remaining photos in the box along with the handwritten notes. There's plenty of space for future photos.

They fit perfectly inside the closed box.

I added a topper and left it on the kitchen table for him to find.

For money saving alternatives, any box can be used (jewelry boxes, shoe boxes, gift boxes, Dollar Store boxes, etc.). It doesn't have to be a wooden box. To make it special to your recipient, glue fabric or paper onto the box to cover it using your favorite print or/and color. Better yet, use fabric from something you no longer wear like an old pair of jeans.

Personalizing it is the key to memory making. My son will treasure this long after I'm gone. He will remember how much I love him and how much I love photos. So think of ways to create memorable things that combine the things you love most.

Portrait Pillow by Unicia R. Buster

Photos have been long seen as a way to document life so that we may remember what has transpired. In the twenty-first century, photos are the cheapest and most easily accessible way of documenting our lives. People have captured these moments directly on websites like Flickr, Facebook, YouTube and DropBox; in ordered print books from Shutterfly, Snapfish, iPhoto, MyPublisher and Blurb; on items like blankets, coffee mugs, mouse pads, t-shirts and canvas from Walmart, Walgreens, VistaPrint, Zazzle and CafePress; and in craft projects like scrapbooking, photo collages, decoupage and photo quilts. With photos, the possibilities are endless.

Over the next several months, I will post examples of different ways to present favorite photos of loved ones (living or deceased) beyond a traditional photo album or in a frame. Reason: It is a unique way to showcase a special person in your life, to not only reflect on a favorite shared moment, but to promote story telling and conversation about that special someone when others enter your life.

Portrait Pillow

Below are portrait pillows I made for others.

This photo was taken from a Facebook photo of a young boy who died early in life.

This photo sent to me electronically via email and was taken using a cell phone camera. The people are still living.

These photos were sent to me electronically via email and were taken using a cell phone camera. The people (and pets) are still living. These were done as a set.

Supplies:

1. 1 sheet of Printable Fabric
2. Computer/Inkjet Printer
3. Digital Image
4. 100% Cotton Fabric in 2-4 colors
5. Thread
6. Needle or Sewing Machine
7. Scissors
8. Pillow form size 14”sq.
9. Iron

Majority of my supplies were purchased from Joann Fabric and Craft Stores. You also may purchase these items from AC Moore, Michaels and Walmart Supercenter.

I like to use 100% cotton fabric
because it's easy to sew, comes
in a multitude of colors and it's durable.
Choose colors that compliment the
photo used keeping in mind the
person's favorite color(s).
Price ranges from $2-$12 per yard

Basic 14'sq. pillow firm.
Price $5.39 at Joann's on line

Colorfast Printable Fabric. Once
treated, the color lasts for several
washes. Price is about $20 for
10 8.5"x11"sheets. Also comes
in packs of 3, 6 and 20.

Instructions:

1. Prewash fabrics so the colors will not bleed into your picture when washed. Iron flat.
2. Size the photo in a photo editing program to your desired size. (Note: the larger the image, the less fabric you will have around the image. Keep size smaller than 8.5” x 11” [size of printable fabric]. Square size works best for easy measuring). I used Photoshop but any photo editing software will work.
3. Print the image on the printable fabric. Printer must be inkjet. There are many types of printable fabrics. Make sure to follow instructions. You also, if you're adventurous, make your own.
4. Follow the directions on the printable fabric package to make colorfast.
5. Cut out your image leaving a quarter inch seam allowance.
6. Decide how many colors you want to use and make measurements for each strip. (For example: for a 6.5” sq. picture, you will need two 6.5” x 2.5” pieces, four 10.5” x 2.5” pieces, two 14.5” x 2.5” pieces and two 14.5” x 10” pieces for the back.)
7. Stitch the two smaller pieces, one to the top of the photo and one to the bottom of the photo, right sides together. Unfold and iron seams flat.
8. Stitch two of the next size pieces to both sides of the photo, right sides together. Unfold and iron seams flat.
9. Stitch the remaining two next size pieces, one to the top of your square and one to the bottom, right sides together. Unfold and iron seams flat.
10. Stitch the remaining two (largest) strips to the sides of your piece, rights sides together. Unfold and iron seams flat.
11. Make a hem on the 14.5” side of both of the 14.5” x 10” pieces. 
12. With right sides together, pin the two pieces to the square piece. The edges will overlap in the center.
13. Stitch around all four sides
14. Clip the corners.
15. Turn inside out and insert the pillow form through the back opening.
16. You may embellish using fabric markers and/or fabric paints to add name, birth and death date, beads, buttons, etc.

Enjoy!

"I Was Here: Legacy and Memory Making" by Unicia Buster

“When I leave this world, I’ll leave no regrets. Leave something to remember, so they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. ... The hearts I have touched will be the proof that I leave. That I made a difference and this world will see I was here.” 

This quote is from a song written by Diane Warren and recorded by Beyoncé on her fourth album. Ms. Warren was influenced by the September 11th attacks on America in which 2,977 people lost their lives. 2,958 people were not expecting to die that day. In an article in “The New Republic” written by Andrew Butterfield on Monuments and Memories, he said, “Monuments are…the products of primary human needs; and they serve these needs in a way that nothing else can serve them. People build monuments ... because there are wounds so deep that only monuments will serve to honor them.” We want to not only remember our loved ones and keep their memories alive, but also to memorialize them so that others know how much they meant to us.

So how do we do this? Legacy and memory making are the breath of our loved ones. These items tell a story, whisper shared moments, ignite laughter and inspire life. They speak the words that we are unable to express or articulate. In her book “The Art Therapy Sourcebook,” Dr. Cathy Malchiodi talks about a young teenager who fell into a deep depression after the loss of her grandfather. After attending an art therapy group, where she was able to visually express her loss, the young girl was able to put aside much of her grief. For some people, “the act of making art is a way of remaking the self after a loss through exploring, expressing, and transforming feelings into visual images.”

Creating these “legacies” can be just as unique as the person who is leaving or has left us. I visited with a patient who knew he would die within 3 months. He was very depressed about his condition and he felt as though his life was being taken away from him. After speaking with him, he revealed his fascination with tattoos and how each one of his 32 tattoos had a story behind them. I suggested that he make a scrapbook of his tattoos for his two  young children. We photographed each tattoo and printed photos of each. I got the prints and scrapbooking supplies to him the next day, which was his 35th birthday. I returned the day after and saw that completed the scrapbook and included quotes and scriptures for his children to read. He died two days later. The book is his story; his legacy. It represents the things in life that were important to him,  and it would leave his children a big part of him that they were not able to keep. 

Almost any arts and crafts project can be made into a legacy piece including a memory quilt, a shadow box, a memory box, a photo collage which can be made into any number of things from a photo book to a blanket, and a t-shirt quilt. Other art forms are useful as well like recording your loved one’s voice, writing a poem, creating a song together, having your loved one write a letter to family members, vlogging and/or blogging. The possibilities are endless. 

Creating a legacy or memory project can be done with anyone, whether your loved-one died unexpectedly or expectedly, early or late in life. There is life before death and you can create memories from that life. What matters most is that they lived and they touched someone’s heart while here on earth.

~ Unicia R. Buster, Art Specialist at the VCU Medical Center (excerpt from Good Grief Conference speech)